Matriarchy: Talk and Transcript
Last Friday (June 25), I gave a talk to the Creative Mornings community in Cape Town on the topic ‘Matriarchy’. It was an interesting experience sharing deeply on a topic that was outside of my regular work.
The talk is here and the transcript is below. I would love to hear your thoughts and reflections on the topic of ‘Matriarchy’!
So the topic of this talk is matriarchy, one that I’ve pondered and explored a lot throughout my life. The Oxford definition of matriarchy is a system of society or government ruled by women.
Naturally, my exploration with matriarchy started with my relationship with my mother. Born to Taiwanese immigrants in the US, I was my parents’ translator and often my mother’s peer. With strong willpower, my mom assumed the decision-making of the household from as long as I can remember.
My mother treated me as an adult from a fairly young age — teaching me how to trade stocks, do taxes (for the family) and cover my own expenses through work. She learned this from her own mother, who managed the family’s finances when Taiwan went through political upheaval. My grandmother ensured the family was taken care of when my grandfather spent almost all of his time at the factory.
Growing up, my mother balanced treating me as an adult with meeting me where I was at: allowing me to melt different color crayons and draw all over the walls of my childhood home to unleash my creativity.
When I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a world where daughters and sons are raised as peers to their parents. I imagine a world of accountability, ownership, and responsibility. I imagine a world of creativity, color, and self-expression.
My mother raised my sister and I as Buddhists. Her dream, when she was 18, was to become a Buddhist nun but the monks told her she wasn’t ready. So she put that energy into her children — wanting us to lead lives of balance, peace, and equanimity. She strived to impart the wisdom of Buddha on us and instead of sending us to American summer camps, she sent us to Buddhist monasteries to meditate and learn the tools that would serve us for a lifetime. These tools were philosophies around understanding impermanence, the root of all suffering, and the true path to lasting happiness.
When I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a wise, compassionate, and balanced world. I imagine a loving-kindness that pervades all actions, words, and thoughts.
When Carl Jung said: ‘The greatest burden of a child is the unlived lives of its parents,” I also believe that ‘The greatest gift of a child is the unlived lives of its parents’ thanks to my mother.
In university, I explored matriarchy on a more global scale. I studied journalism because I loved listening to people and giving a platform to their stories. In my senior year, I won a grant to film a documentary on the matriarchal society of Mawlynnong in India. The stories awakened me to what’s possible. Seeing a baby girl born in the hospital to excited and relieved parents. Seeing the last names of women get proudly passed down to future generations. Seeing women deeply admired and respected for their contributions to society. Seeing women comfortable in leadership positions — naturally assuming their roles in their communities. It was a complete contrast to other parts of India and I reveled in the wholeness I felt when I was there.
In Mawlynnong, I also saw that some men were fighting for men’s rights. They were frustrated by the alcoholism rampant among their male peers, of which they blamed on the matriarchy. I saw a different side of matriarchy I wasn’t expecting to see — another version of a society of ‘winners’ and ‘losers’.
Despite that, when I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a world that strives for equality. I imagine a world where women are respected as much as their male counterparts. I imagine a world where humility and servant leadership is valued.
During university, I found that the best education to learn about the world happened outside the classroom. I wanted to be a part of solutions and not just write about problems. So I ventured outside of campus to support solutions I believed in and to learn from great minds. In that, I grew a love of bringing to life solutions that didn’t exist before. In my global health studies on campus, I learned about the injustice of foreign aid and how aid organizations weren’t accountable to the populations they serve and instead focused more on the interests of their donors. I believed more money, power and influence should be held by the actual recipients of the aid and I found that supporting local innovators and entrepreneurs could be the solution. So I wanted to solve problems for them. I quickly found out about a venture fund in Kenya investing in local entrepreneurs across Africa, I trusted my intuition that that was where I needed to be and the type of work I wanted to support, and I moved to Kenya without knowing anyone.
When I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a world that values true intuition, which holds the knowledge that we’ve accumulated in our past and current lives. I imagine a world that’s focused on curiosity and holding space for uncertainty, instead of driving for clear answers in a world that doesn’t truly have them.
I moved to Kenya on a warm day in March 2014. My boss showed me around the city and we went to work quickly — to drive the fund’s second accelerator, source for more deals and to ultimately prove that there are strong locally-led companies that we could invest in. I was deeply grateful for the experience every day and reveled in the deep learning and amazing people I was meeting. At Savannah Fund, I learned quickly that a big challenge that our local portfolio companies faced was finding great ready-to-hire talent. With a focus on supporting our companies and helping them solve their biggest challenges, I started asking myself why this problem existed. So I explored: I went to universities, training programs and the like and found a massive gap between what tertiary institutions were teaching and what employers were looking for.
When I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a world that spends more time listening than judging or concocting an answer. I imagine a world that harbors gratitude and one that focuses on discovery and exploration.
I started Moringa School when I was in Kenya because I saw a big need in the market. A few months later, I embarked on a summer fellowship in San Francisco where I saved the money I earned to invest into the launch of Moringa. Moringa started our first class in January 2015 from my savings and we had a keen eye on first making sure we were solving a big problem with a meaningful solution that was adding value to our students and second making sure that we were able to cover our costs by charging a tuition that made sense. Through many trials and tribulations — we continued to build the school from 2014 to 2019 without any outside investment, simply through the revenue we generated from the student tuition, that showed us that we were truly adding value to their lives.
We had a female student in our first class who was a secondary school graduate. She worried about her value and whether she would be able to find employment without a university degree. With her hard work and determination, her fears were assuaged when she received a number of job offers upon graduation.
When I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a world that is practical and realistic about financial value, cares about adding value and is deeply committed to solving big problems in a collaborative way.
Throughout my journey at Moringa, I was consistently driven by the impact we were making on individual lives. A bad day was quickly turned around when I spoke with a student or team member and was reminded of the important work we were doing to shift people’s beliefs about themselves, increase their confidence through the skills they were gaining and ultimately guide them into employment. I seldom thought of myself as a uniquely female leader, even though the majority of my meetings with external investors or partners were with men. During the journey, I was always hungry for more growth. How do I scale myself up as a leader as the company grew so I could be the leader Moringa needs? How do I uncover what I don’t know that I don’t know? How do I learn from other incredible women and support other women as I continue down my journey?
When I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a world full of questions. I imagine a world that’s growth-oriented and has a desire for building more self-awareness because the real growth work is internal and not external.
This past year when COVID hit, I took a step back, looked at Moringa and felt eternally grateful for our team as they continued to work hard and adapt to the new realities so we could continue serving our students. Halfway through last year during my annual reflection period, I realized that Moringa had grown to a size that I was deeply proud of and that I knew would benefit from a new leader to drive the next stage of growth. Through days of questioning and waves of uncertainty, I ultimately decided to take a step back. I had grown Moringa to serve students in several countries, brought on incredible local and foreign investors and donors and engaged with over 100 employers and 100 team members. It was time for me to take a step back to think bigger.
When I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a world that is reflective, allows for multiple journeys and pathways and allows for time to slow down. I imagine a world that prioritizes awareness and vulnerability over ego.
Since March this year as I’ve moved onto the board of Moringa and started my Year of Discovery, I’ve been driven by 4 main learning questions. I’ve talked with many people who have opened my mind up to possible answers to those questions. I’ve consolidated lessons of life, spirituality and philosophy into weekly blog posts. I’ve considered WuWei and living at 80% capacity instead of 110% as I learned growing up in the West. I’ve learned to be kinder to myself, to understand my triggers and to share more openly who I am with the people around me. I’ve met inspiring women, been driven to support and invest in other women and have felt energized working with my female peers.
When I imagine a world in which women take the lead, I imagine a world that’s patient and kind. I imagine a world that’s accepting of each person’s journey and practices compassion for those who are going through ups and downs. I imagine an inspired world.
For me, when I think of matriarchy, I look around at all of the amazing women who have come before me, who are with me today and who will join me in the future. I’m consistently inspired by the magnitude of heart, mind and soul that these women bring to each person they engage with and the broader world. Matriarchy isn’t about replacing the patriarchy. When I think about matriarchy, I think of the word Maitrī in the Theravāda school of Buddhism, which means benevolence, loving-kindness, friendliness, and active interest in others.
For men and women alike, it’s about choosing to create a more equal and just world that values compassion, vulnerability, awareness and humanity.
Thank you.
