Questioning Our Societal Values
When we grow up, we’re told what being good or bad is through our teachers, religion, parents and community. The world around us continuously reinforces or punishes certain behaviors and beliefs. And before we know it, we begin to believe or fully embrace what society tells us as fact without further questioning. Our parents are told by their communities what good and bad is, and our education system reinforces those values. The space given to discuss the values that society holds — which determines how we spend our days and live our lives — is rarely there. The process of ‘growing up’ is usually quite lonely for people when they begin to question what’s actually important in their life and what from their past they want to leave behind versus take into the future. Like the time we dedicate to discussing policy and rights, we need more space to engage in discussions around ingrained values in society instead of passively accepting the status quo.
The process of ‘growing up’ pushes us to question what’s actually important. For example, in the United States, there is a clear value around ‘rags to riches’ and having work and career be at the front and center of a person’s self-worth. Through this value, I’ve seen countless friends go through a rat race of heavy career investment in their 20s and 30s at the expense of the other facets of their lives that give them energy and joy. Because their own identities and feelings of being good enough are embedded within their work, they push themselves through cycles of burnout until they need to fully redefine what work is in their lives.
To counter this, a friend once told me another way to imagine life is to see it as a wheel with 8 pieces. Those 8 pieces are made up of all of the different parts we care about (family, friends, work, personal finance, creativity/hobbies, etc). When we invest in a specific piece more than others, we see the spokes increase in length. This happens at the expense of the other pieces in the wheel, and the wheel turns shakily. If we truly want peace in life with equilibrium is a north star, is it possible to live at 50% of all those pieces (instead of 100% in just a few) so the wheel can turn smoothly? Or if we do have different seasons in life where we focus on certain parts over others, can we be intentional about that instead of reaching a point where we feel life has gotten away from us?
What’s important to each of us is personal and it requires regular reflection and intention setting. In Buddhism, we talk about how one of the certainties of life is impermanence. As our internal world (soul, beliefs and thinking) constantly changes, so does our outer world (global pandemic, deaths, births, changing life circumstances, etc). Rather than any set destination, life is about constant recalibration between the heart (what am I feeling?), the soul (what moves me?) and the body (what gives me energy?).
So rather than the values we have as a society being pointed toward a moving and unachievable target, which leads to more suffering, can we instead rewire our internal operating system and spend a part of our days being still and listening to our heart, soul and body? Can we do what we need to do for ourselves today, rather than at an undefinable future time? Can we start to question the values we’ve been taught growing up and start valuing what leads us to more peace and happiness today?
